Meeting Minutes on a Blog

Here are the minutes for our most recent meeting on May 24th…

Fingers present: M. Hobby; C. Roberti

Fingers absent: S. Soroka; M. Hart; P. Wells; Y. Miller; G. Helbig; J. Hibbs; Mandy S.

• Chris shows up twenty minutes late because he spent nearly twenty minutes making faces into his mirror at home while listening to Ani Difranco
• Meeting is called to order on NW corner of 41^st St. and 8^th Ave.
• Matt makes a deposit at his bank while Chris waits outside; the two chat on the phone during this transaction – with each other
• Matt and Chris decide to walk downtown
• Matt sees Claire Daines; Chris misses it because of a cool looking cloud that caught his eye
• Matt sees Tony Kushner; Chris misses it because he doesn’t know what Tony Kushner looks like
• The two see an awesome painting of a woman brushing a cat’s teeth in the window of a veterinarian’s and the woman’s arm is motorized and brushes the cat’s face so fast
• A weird guy makes a comment to Chris who is laughing at the painting
• The two admire a woman in a billboard for H&M
• The two buy apples at a farmer’s market. Attempting to be generous, Chris says he will buy Matt’s apple, but he soon discovers he can’t afford it.  The cost of Matt’s apple: 80 cents
• The two spot the same weird guy who made a comment to Chris make a comment to several women as he passes them, one in particular looks stunned
• Matt explains to the stunned woman that the weird guy has been doing this to everyone, she ignores Matt
• Chris is pleased
• The two wander into a flea market, purchase nothing
• Chris talks about some money trouble and girl trouble
• Matt suggests Chris get a job at the coffee chop where Matt’s roommate works
• The two agree to walk to that coffee shop
• They arrive at where Matt thinks the coffee shop should be, it is nowhere to be found
• Chris suggests Matt’s roommate has be deceiving him about this and many things
• The two find the coffee shop, which was closed, and thus, difficult to spot
• The two agree that this was a wonderful meeting
• The meeting adjourned and the two part ways – Matt to a restroom, Chris to Pie by the Pound, then later to Central Park, then later still to Jen + Steve

How I Fell Asleep Last Night.

I was delirious with sleep and happiness when I hit the pillow last night.   I just kept thinking about FINGER and all the wonderful adventures we will have in the future.  I thought about how FINGER and I would go traveling to festivals, how we would go camping together- just to bond-,  how we would cook dinner for each other like bugs on log and spaghetti bolognese, and how we would give each other erotic yet scientifical massages late into the night.  Of course it led to me imagine how I might one day meet Finger’s parents and of course that  led me to imagine how Finger might one day propose. Which of course led me to imagine even more erotic yet scientifical massages which were mostly erotic and performed in a circle. (blush)  

   Oh, FINGER! You started calling me “Pinky” as a cute nickname because I’m so short.  And, oh, how I loved you for it!  My heart, buried deep inside my buxom bosom, swelled with pride and burst with love for you.

I was happy.

So I slept.

 

Ants on a Blog

Hello.  

 

I have no way to know for sure, but I think this is a record for biggest ants on a log.  Just look at those ants!  Just look at that log!

I can’t take all the credit.  Basically, a lot depends on the celery.  I bought it and didn’t grow it, but i bought it. Also, credit to Yang for reminding me about the whole thing.  Credit also to Jed for taking the picture… and for doing our lights.

I said, “Jed get the camera!”

Then we ate it.

 

Phrases I’ve Used At Work That Include The Word “Jerk”

“Which one of you jerks ordered burritos?”
“I can’t believe I agreed to work late like a jerk.”
“Eddie from IT?  That guy’s a big jerk.”
“Quit jerking my chain, you fucking idiot.”
“Looks like someone jerked off in the toaster oven.”
“Hey!  My white-out!  Jerk!”
“Only a jerk would wear the tie that you’re wearing today, Eddie.”

barkeep

Bartending on sunday brunches brings an interested crowd. I see absolutely nothing wrong with starting to drink at noon while watching sports and getting your omelette on. But keep in mind, if you are by yourself…

While the bartender does pour your alcohol, smile, and throw a joke around here and there… they are NOT, i repeat, NOT your BFF to the dizeath. Yesterday I had a major cause of TMI with a 50 year old guy sitting behind the taps with a bit of a shaking problem. The conversation went exactly as follows:

Dude: I’ll take a Coors Lite. 

Me: Would you like to see a menu too?

Dude: Nah, just popping in for a cold one real quick.

Me:  (hand him his beer) Has it warmed up out there? It was kind of chilly when I came in this morning.

Dude: It’s allright. Nothing like Miami though. I just moved back to New York 3 weeks ago. I was living in Miami with my soon to be ex wife. I work at the French Culinary Institute. My names David.

Me: Well, welcome back! I’m Mam…

Dude: Yeah moved back after My soon to be exwife had our second child and told me it wasnt mine. Got all the DNA tests done and sure enough, the kid is not mine. (takes last swill of beer) I like New York. Its real, ya know. Miami is as fast and phony as it’s women. You know, youre nice to take to. Illl take another Coors Lite and stay and eat with you.

(End Scene).

** He then proceeded to order blue crabs which you eat with a mallet and teensy, tiny fork (with the shaking this took about an hour, forty five. And then Ahi Tuna. And decided to have 5 beers and watch the Cavs game. I know David real well now. 

Buying Condoms

Late last night I went to a corner store to buy some eggs and apples, and the couple in front of me was buying condoms.  And the woman was an active part of it. 

There is something about seeing a man buy condoms, presumably, for the woman also standing in front of you that made me want to protect that girl.  Tell her that all men only want one thing.  I became her father in those 2 minutes.  Except for when she caught me looking at them and I started giggling and averting my eyes.

Post Script! – Also, the guy pointed to one brand of condoms and said something like, “Won’t make that mistake again.” 

 

Finger me timbers!

Alone at work today. All day.

It’s heaven.

Fingers watch you backs!

a new sketch comedy mastermind has rolled into town. and if you aren’t careful we could be easily replaced by this 8″ firecracker. His name is Sugar Bush and you can find all his work at www.sugarbushsquirrel.com where he refers to himself modestly as “The Superstar Squirrel- Supermodel and Military Mascot”. So not only does he support the troops, but they apparently support him right back….

The little guy nails period pieces…

 

Current celebrities… (here he portrays the not so likeable host of Fashionably Late Stacey London on TLC)..

 

 

And political sketches are a breeze.. (here as Castro)…

 

Damn you Sugar Bush and your effortless genius!!!

 

 

Best line I heard all week:

“Oh, please! You’re not jealous? Hell, you’re jealous of my panties cuz they got into my pants first.”

I thought it was funny.