Not a joke.  Apparently there is some high pitched frequency that as people get older they can’t hear anymore.  It’s used in some places to keep teens away.  Conversely, some teens use it as ringtones so they can keep their phones on in class.  Oh those wily teens.

The cut off is supposedly 25.  But I can still hear it and I’m 25+. 

Prepare to feel old.  Or young if you can hear it.  Good luck.

http://www.audiocheck.net/audiotests_mosquito.php

I know this is a comedy blog, but I’m a little sad today.  Glum.  I wasn’t going to post this but then I thought, “Hey, people should know that even hilarious people get sad sometimes.”  Eh, I’m going through something.

Regardless, please come see FINGER TONIGHT!

I switch roommates pretty frequently.  (I don’t really like people.)  Here are a list of the roommates I’ve had since moving to the city in late 2003 and some notes about them…

Apt 1 – 5 “bedroom” “apartment” in LES; November 2003-August 2004

1) JASON – d*ck

2) WILL – d*ck

3) JILL – b*tch

4) STEVE – not me, cool dude

5) BECKY (???) – forget her name, we only overlapped briefly. She was okay.  I ran into on the subway like a year later and she was on her way to campaign (for Kerry??) in Ohio.  So, in my head, she’s a little bit of a hippie.  But that’s cool. 

Apt 2 – 2 bedroom in E. Village; September 2004 – October 2005

6) MIKE – ehh.  Cool enough.  We got into a fight right at the end and if we hadn’t, FINGER wouldn’t exist.  Weird.

Apt 3 – 2 bedroom in E. Village (one floor up from last apt.; still paid a broker’s fee); October 2005 – present

7) ALICE – Australian.  She was great.  I once joke, ” I hope a dingo doesn’t eat your rent check.”  She didn’t laugh.  But she’s still cool.

8 ) MEDHI – French.  Borderline d*ck.  Wouldn’t stop cooking bad smelling food. 

9) GILLE – French.  He was great.  And by great, I mean, never home.  Ever.  What a great guy.  I found out on his last night that he was the son of some big wig in France.  Good job!

10) COURTNEY – B*tch.  So nasty.  She turned me off living with girls.  She broke the toilet a lot.  Like a strange amount of times.  But her Mom was really nice.  I remember thinking, “How’d that happen?” and feeling bad that the cool, nice mom had a mean, negative daughter. 

11) THEO – He stayed the longest (11 months).   In hindsight, he was a good roommate, but at the time he would get on my nerves sometimes. But, a cool guy.  And he boned a lot.

12) JAMIE - Young and he stayed the shortest, 1.5 months (so far).  I think he cracked from the pressure of NYC.  NYC is tough man, but I don’t need to tell you that. 

13) JEFF – For a square, he was cool.  He had a good run, and I wanted him to stay.  In terms of roommates, he was t*ts.  I wish he didn’t have to leave.  I….think….I…..love….you….Jeff….

14) NICHOLAS – Current, short term roommate. Young.  Like 20 years old young. Put on a shirt and remember to lock the door.  No, he’s fine.  He’s very bright eyed and bushy tailed, and I am not those adjectives.  Stay tuned.

15) YOU?????  Everyone’s a suspect.

CONCLUSION:  Much like the famous “Dazed and Confused” line, lately it appears that what I like about my roommates is that as I get older, they stay the same age (or get younger.)

Late last night I went to a corner store to buy some eggs and apples, and the couple in front of me was buying condoms.  And the woman was an active part of it. 

There is something about seeing a man buy condoms, presumably, for the woman also standing in front of you that made me want to protect that girl.  Tell her that all men only want one thing.  I became her father in those 2 minutes.  Except for when she caught me looking at them and I started giggling and averting my eyes.

Post Script! – Also, the guy pointed to one brand of condoms and said something like, “Won’t make that mistake again.” 

It’s heaven.

The pope is in town.  I don’t know if I’m feeling this Pope.  I am still hung up on PJP2  (Pope John Paul II).  Now THERE was a Pope.  And he was Polish, just like me!  PJP2 seemed so nice and cool and like he’d lend you money if you needed it.   I don’t mean to disparage the new Pope (not so new…almost 3 years!  Wha?), but he looks like how I picture an evil Pope would be depicted in a movie. 

Maybe I’m not being fair.   Go on, Pope Benedict.  Go on!

One of my bosses at work has been asking me to submit a bio for our company’s website. Now, I am the office manager/office assistant and while I would not want to lessen the responsibilities or importance of the position, I know I have no business being on the website. Anyway, after avoiding giving a bio for MONTHS, finally, I had to submit one. This is what I gave them:

Stephen Soroka: Stephen “Steverino Sorokster” Soroka first became interested in answering phones when the restaurant he was working at unexpectedly closed and he still had rent to pay. A graduate from Muhlenberg College (or “Not Yale” as it is know in the office) Steverino often eats lunch at Maui Taco. When he’s not replacing the toner in the copy machine or screaming at sales representatives, you can find Steverino creating hilarious viral videos, like YouTube smash hit, ‘Trillions’ which is about to start its second season. Other interests include improv comedy and co-workers female relatives.

My boss responded: “Great. Let’s use it. Not.” He made a “not” joke.