I saw Wall-E this weekend and it’s awesome.  But it got me thinking about the future, because it shows all humans in chairs and drinking french-fry milkshakes rather than walking and eating real meals.

But a french-fry milkshake kinda sounds good to me?  Is that bad?

Here are my top-ten milkshakes that don’t exist but should (in ascending order because there’s more suspense that way):

10.  Turkey-Apple-Brie shake:  This is a really awesome sandwich, so I figure it’s still pretty good once it’s pureed.

9.  Chips-Guacamole-Lime shake:  I would miss the action of dipping chips into dip (Why is that fun?), but the portability of this drink more than makes up for that.

8.  Everything-From-Taco-Bell-In-A-Shake shake:  You’d have to have like 18 times the cinnamon crisp things vs. everything else to make it palatable.  But is it really that different from regular Taco Bell in shake form?

7.  Snyder’s-Buffalo-Chicken-Wing-Pretzel shake:  Soften the pretzels with a little concoction of Ranch + Bleu Cheese.  Need I say more?

6.  Actual-Buffalo-Chicken-Wing shake:  See #7.  This has more protein so it’s higher on the list.

5.  Lobster-Butter shake:  Costly.

4.  Bacon-Egg-&-Cheese shake:  This will definitely burn in the back of your throat as it goes down.  Especially if you’re like me and ask for Pepper-Jack cheese.  The best.

3.  Ruby-Tuesdays-Apps-Sampler shake:  Mozzarella Sticks, Jalapeno Poppers, Chicken Strips, Queso Dip and Southwestern Spring Rolls.  Chum this up with a Diet Coke to save on calories.

2.  Numbers-6-and-7-combined shake:  Add extra ranch-bleu cheese potion, and make sure there’s a football game on.  And a doctor nearby with stockpiles of Plavix.

***DRUM ROLL***

1.  Chocolate-with-turduckin-and-garlic-mashed-potatoes-and-cranberry-sauce-and-fuck-it-why-not-put-some-butternut-squash-casserole-in-their-too:  This is the only one of these that actually sounds good.  I think it speaks to the power of chocolate to make anything good.

-M

PRIEST:  (muttering)  PopePopePope…OK here we go.(clears throat)

Good afternoon, citizens of this great nation.  We are blessed here this day, because we are joined by a special guest.  No, it’s not my cousin Frank – the esteemed “Hot Dog King” of Newark, New Jersey, though Frank is in the audience with you.  Hello, Frank.  Frank please stand and wave to everyone.  That’s my brother Frank everyone, as you know.

The man I am introducing to you today is not any man.  By that I don’t mean that he’s a woman.  I mean he’s a he, of course.  I just referred to him as a he.  He’s more than a man is what I mean.  He’s the man who has the ear of God.  Or he has God’s ear.  No no God has his ear.  To count on.  He listens to God, much like you and I do when we pray, only he hears it better.  He hears God in HD-THX Quality sound, where as we have bunny ears on our religious televisions.  And no component stereo system.

He does much good for the world; he rides around in a little special car with bulletproof glass on it, and that shows the world that no one is safe, not even the man who has God’s ear.  Who God’s ear he has.  I wonder if God told him that he should make a tiny car with green glass on it to keep safe.  But I seriously question the structural integrity of such a wimpy looking vehicle.  Honestly, who’s going to go after the Pope with a handgun, or even a sniper rifle?  I’m thinking anyone who really wants to take out the Pope is using rockets.  Right?  Am I right?

Frank, you think rockets?  See, yeah, rockets.  Franksy and I; eye-to-eye on this one.

So, here his ladies and gentlemen, to make his Sunday mass, the A-Rod of God, (nice one Frank) – his holiness The Pope!

Best day of my life.

And this is the cover to our photo album. Not our record album, which will be much more hip-hop.