I switch roommates pretty frequently. (I don’t really like people.) Here are a list of the roommates I’ve had since moving to the city in late 2003 and some notes about them…
Apt 1 – 5 “bedroom” “apartment” in LES; November 2003-August 2004
1) JASON – d*ck
2) WILL – d*ck
3) JILL – b*tch
4) STEVE – not me, cool dude
5) BECKY (???) – forget her name, we only overlapped briefly. She was okay. I ran into on the subway like a year later and she was on her way to campaign (for Kerry??) in Ohio. So, in my head, she’s a little bit of a hippie. But that’s cool.
Apt 2 – 2 bedroom in E. Village; September 2004 – October 2005
6) MIKE – ehh. Cool enough. We got into a fight right at the end and if we hadn’t, FINGER wouldn’t exist. Weird.
Apt 3 – 2 bedroom in E. Village (one floor up from last apt.; still paid a broker’s fee); October 2005 – present
7) ALICE – Australian. She was great. I once joke, ” I hope a dingo doesn’t eat your rent check.” She didn’t laugh. But she’s still cool.
8 ) MEDHI – French. Borderline d*ck. Wouldn’t stop cooking bad smelling food.
9) GILLE – French. He was great. And by great, I mean, never home. Ever. What a great guy. I found out on his last night that he was the son of some big wig in France. Good job!
10) COURTNEY – B*tch. So nasty. She turned me off living with girls. She broke the toilet a lot. Like a strange amount of times. But her Mom was really nice. I remember thinking, “How’d that happen?” and feeling bad that the cool, nice mom had a mean, negative daughter.
11) THEO – He stayed the longest (11 months). In hindsight, he was a good roommate, but at the time he would get on my nerves sometimes. But, a cool guy. And he boned a lot.
12) JAMIE - Young and he stayed the shortest, 1.5 months (so far). I think he cracked from the pressure of NYC. NYC is tough man, but I don’t need to tell you that.
13) JEFF – For a square, he was cool. He had a good run, and I wanted him to stay. In terms of roommates, he was t*ts. I wish he didn’t have to leave. I….think….I…..love….you….Jeff….
14) NICHOLAS – Current, short term roommate. Young. Like 20 years old young. Put on a shirt and remember to lock the door. No, he’s fine. He’s very bright eyed and bushy tailed, and I am not those adjectives. Stay tuned.
15) YOU????? Everyone’s a suspect.
CONCLUSION: Much like the famous “Dazed and Confused” line, lately it appears that what I like about my roommates is that as I get older, they stay the same age (or get younger.)
